When will it be my turn? Everyone else seems to have gotten a chance at love so why can't I? Not that I want love. Or do I? I certainty don't want to feel like I have to attend to someone like a dog, but a small romantic fling would be nice.
18 years and nothing. Sure, there's 21 boys out there who can say they've had the pleasure of kissing my lips but would any one of them say it was special? I doubt it. Except maybe the lad from that dance a few months ago, but he just seemed inexperienced in the field.
A lot of my friends have had steady enough things going on, one even has a boyfriend. But then again I don't envy her. Not that he's bad or anything, just that it's very comfortable. I don't see any heat between them. And that's what I want.
But I also want to feel cared for. I want to know that someone's looking out for me, that somebody likes me not just because I look good on a night out but because I have good stuff going on in the inside too.
Oh I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I just want something..
Is that too hard to ask?
Sunday, 9 October 2016
Tuesday, 5 January 2016
This Feeling
New Years Eve, some guy's 21st birthday in the upstairs part of a pub. I wasn't meant to be there, neither were you. Both our friends set us up by mere chance. It could have been any other girl from any other place but no, it was me. I knew what was coming: the awkward will he won't he, the small talk that leads into the kiss, the hope of something new.
You held my hand and for once in what felt like forever I was someone's something. I lost you in the crowd and the night went on, the thought of what might happen stuck in the back of my mind. I found you again, the alcohol giving me more confidence than I would usually have and again we kissed.
Then you uttered those words that no girl wants to hear "I can't". A million thoughts rushes through my head. Have I done something wrong? Am I not a good kisser? But no, there was someone else. Someone I know vaguely but know all the same. You say it's not serious and your friends later back you up. Being 17, I take this in my stride and enjoy the night that's left. We're teens after all, this is what teens do! I even kissed one of your friends for no particular reason other than it might get back to you.
I went home. This is when the feeling hit. New Years Eve was over. A new year had begun. But the only new thing I wanted was you. You'd made me feel like I hadn't felt like in a year and a half. And when would I see you again? The next social outing is in 37 days for Christ's sake! I can't wait that long! I am now stuck with this feeling. I can't stop thinking about you, that night, the other girl. Why did you go to her? Are you just being a gentleman and letting her down gently without her finding out about me? Or are you just playing with me, the easy target? God damn you!
37 days and I will have my answer. Until then, the feeling lingers like a disease within me.
Inkspots
You held my hand and for once in what felt like forever I was someone's something. I lost you in the crowd and the night went on, the thought of what might happen stuck in the back of my mind. I found you again, the alcohol giving me more confidence than I would usually have and again we kissed.
Then you uttered those words that no girl wants to hear "I can't". A million thoughts rushes through my head. Have I done something wrong? Am I not a good kisser? But no, there was someone else. Someone I know vaguely but know all the same. You say it's not serious and your friends later back you up. Being 17, I take this in my stride and enjoy the night that's left. We're teens after all, this is what teens do! I even kissed one of your friends for no particular reason other than it might get back to you.
I went home. This is when the feeling hit. New Years Eve was over. A new year had begun. But the only new thing I wanted was you. You'd made me feel like I hadn't felt like in a year and a half. And when would I see you again? The next social outing is in 37 days for Christ's sake! I can't wait that long! I am now stuck with this feeling. I can't stop thinking about you, that night, the other girl. Why did you go to her? Are you just being a gentleman and letting her down gently without her finding out about me? Or are you just playing with me, the easy target? God damn you!
37 days and I will have my answer. Until then, the feeling lingers like a disease within me.
Inkspots
Sunday, 8 November 2015
Liebster Awards 2.0- The Return of Inkspots
Hello there!
Yes, here I am again, several months later making yet another apology for my absence. My excuse this time round? Well it started off that life was keeping me busy, but then it got to the stage that I had nearly forgotten about this blog and started to fear I had no reason to get back to it. But after a inward debate and persuasive talks from my chummy Nixie, I am back once again. I'm not promising any miracles but I hope to get back into a regular pattern of uploading posts.
So today I have been tagged by the aforementioned Nixie to the Liebster Awards. (Check out her post here.)
Q1. What is something that made you very happy recently?
Seeing my little cousin this weekend. I don't get to see her as often as I should and so when I do I can't help but smile.
Q2. What is one thing you want to complete in the future?
My education is the first thing that comes to mine. I'm currently one year away from the big L.C so I have a lot of decisions to make between now and then as regards that. As long as I'm happy in the course I choose, that's all I care about.
Q3. If you could invite any two people to dinner who would it be and why?
The first person would be Jesus- I have a lot of questions for that guy. Secondly I would have to choose my Auntie Kate. I only knew her for the first 5 years of my life before she died so I would love to get the chance to talk to her again.
Q4. What is your favourite chat up line?
Sorry Nixie, but I really don't like this question. I just think chat up lines are way too cheesy and used by people who only want one thing, if you get what I mean. I'd much rather some nice fella just coming over and saying hello. Simple but effective.
Q5. Something you are excited for?
Christmas! Although it's only November and the Christmas ads are on way too early, I just can't wait for it. All the family around, the smell of the Christmas tree and way too much food. I'm getting way too excited just thinking about it.
Q6. Where do you see yourself in three years?
Hopefully, just starting my 2nd year of college. Probably in Dublin, probably studying English, or film studies, or journalism, or.. God knows what else!
Q7. Favourite condiment?
I'm a simple enough gal when it comes to condiments. The classic tomato sauce always wins for me.
Q8. Current favourite song?
Downtown by Macklemore. It is so damn catchy.
Q9. What's the compliment you recieve the most?
People sometimes tell me I have nice long hair. I suppose it's alright! *humble as fuck*
Q10. Favourite blogs to read?
I think I've said this before but I'm not actually a big blog reader. The most person I keep up to date with is of course the lovely Nixie who is also my bestest chummy. She writes about things she has a true passion for which is something I really admire about her.
My Questions:
1. Are you happy or sad in your life right now?
2. What is your favourite song to dance to on a night out?
3. How is your love life?
4. Who is the one person you turn to when things go bad?
5. What do you not like to talk about?
6. What is your favourite memory?
7. What is/was your favourite subject in school?
8. If you could change anything in your life what would it be?
9. Are you missing anything in your life?
10. Are you currently reading anything?
As I did last time I did the Liebster award, I nominate all of you to do this. Thanks again to Nixie for nominating me. Hope you all enjoyed.
Adios amigos,
Inkspots
Monday, 6 July 2015
What is it to Be 16?
I'm sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. My reason? A mixture of summer, no inspiration and laziness. But never fear I am back!
Tomorrow is my birthday, so the last few days I've been doing a lot of thinking while I am still my sixteen year old self. Mostly thinking about the past 365 days and wondering if I've used my sixteenth year to the fullest. Also I came up with this idea to write down what it means to be 16 for me. For myself and for you, so in years to come I can look back and reminisce on my youth. *solo violin plays sad music*, and so that you can see if you relate to any of this, whether your sixteen or not.
Sixteen years. Despite all your fears of being stolen in the night or being in an aeroplane crash, you have made it through sixteen years of life. Nearly three quarters done of teenage life. You could see that as a good or bad thing! Good in the sense that you can soon leave behind the immature people you're forced to go to school with, bad in the sense that you will soon have the responsibilities that adulthood brings with it.
So what does it really mean to be sixteen? For me, it means shouting stupid things at your parents that you later regret saying, feeling that no one knows who you really are, not knowing yourself who you really are, going to parties and pretending you don't have a care in the world, getting up ridiculously late because you don't have a care in the world, feeling like you need to have your whole life planned out because everyone else seems to, loving boys, hating boys, feeling jealous of girls who have boys, crying by yourself but you don't know why, laughing with your friends over the silliest things, wanting to be independent and free, wanting to stay in your room all day, not minding school, hating school, new experiences, old routines and a hell of a lot of hormones!
So to future Inkspots, I hope you look back fondly on when you were sixteen. With one day left, I can definitely say I've had an amazing year, with all the ups and downs that come with life. I'm feeling emotional yet optimistic. Emotional because sixteen years have gone by without be hardly realising it and optimistic because hopefully I have plenty more years of good memories and life changing moments to come. Here's to year seventeen and all that come with it!
Wednesday, 20 May 2015
The Marriage Referendum: My Thoughts and Opinions
Hello there!
Today I'm going to be talking about an issue that is a hot topic of discussion over the past few weeks in Ireland. This of course is the marriage referendum. For those of you who don't know, this Friday the 22nd of May, our country will take a vote on whether or not we want to legalise gay marriage. We are the first country in the world to take a vote on an issue like this.
The two sides to this debate are the yes and no sides, and Irish citizens over the age of 18 will be asked to choose either yes or no when casting their vote. There are many issues and points to be covered when talking about this debate so I apologise if I don't cover everything, but I thought it would be interesting for you to see the opinions of an Irish teen.
First of all, I want to say that I am completely with the yes side in this referendum and for many reasons. One of the main slogans the yes side are using is 'Yes for Equality'. We were discussing the referendum in English class in school and my teacher told us that this slogan angered him because it implied that if he did not agree with the yes side, then he was against equality. I understand where he is coming from, but I would have to argue against his point. At the moment in the Irish state, a man can not marry a man and a woman can not marry a woman, yet a man can marry a woman. This is not equality.
We are currently gliding past this problem, by offering same sex couples civil partnership. One website I looked up states there are over 160 differences between civil partnership and civil marriage. These differences are crucial in this referendum. For instance if there is a lesbian couple with children and one of their parents is their biological mother and the other one dies, that child has no connection to that woman in the eyes of the state. There are also issues surrounding the death of a person in a civil partnership. In marriage there is nothing preventing couples being buried beside each other. In civil partnership however, there are problems surrounding whether or not that person can share a grave with their partner, which in my opinion is disgraceful.
I know of some people who are all for the legalisation of gay marriage who think that there shouldn't have to be a vote at all, that the government should make it legal without asking the public's opinion. I do not agree with this. I think it is great that the people of Ireland are being given the chance to decide on a serious issue such as this. We are the people whom it will effect, so why not give us the choice to decide rather than a government with mostly the same opinion on the matter making the decision.
One of the main points that the no side are bringing up a lot is the issue of children that could be raised with a married gay couple. They are saying that 'every child deserves a mother and father'. There are so many things wrong with this point. First off, have they even considered the families in Ireland who do not have a mother or father due to death and other such circumstances? Does this mean that these families are in some way lesser than families with both parents? Then to come on to children raised with gay parents, even the referendum commission, the people who organise the referendum and are unbiased, have said that children are a totally different issue and the referendum has no effect on them under Irish law. To put the icing on the cake, gay couples are already allowed to adopt in this country so even if the referendum is not passed, gay couples will still be raising families!
Finally, I would like to encourage all Irish citizens over 18 to vote in the referendum on Friday, no matter what way they're voting. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to make a difference to our country for the better. Sadly I'm missing out on the voting age by 13 months so I won't be able to have my say, but that's the law for ya!
Hope you enjoyed this post. It felt good to get all my feelings on the matter out into the world so at least I can make my contribution in some small way. Here's to a yes vote!
Adios amigos,
Inkspots
Today I'm going to be talking about an issue that is a hot topic of discussion over the past few weeks in Ireland. This of course is the marriage referendum. For those of you who don't know, this Friday the 22nd of May, our country will take a vote on whether or not we want to legalise gay marriage. We are the first country in the world to take a vote on an issue like this.
The two sides to this debate are the yes and no sides, and Irish citizens over the age of 18 will be asked to choose either yes or no when casting their vote. There are many issues and points to be covered when talking about this debate so I apologise if I don't cover everything, but I thought it would be interesting for you to see the opinions of an Irish teen.
First of all, I want to say that I am completely with the yes side in this referendum and for many reasons. One of the main slogans the yes side are using is 'Yes for Equality'. We were discussing the referendum in English class in school and my teacher told us that this slogan angered him because it implied that if he did not agree with the yes side, then he was against equality. I understand where he is coming from, but I would have to argue against his point. At the moment in the Irish state, a man can not marry a man and a woman can not marry a woman, yet a man can marry a woman. This is not equality.
We are currently gliding past this problem, by offering same sex couples civil partnership. One website I looked up states there are over 160 differences between civil partnership and civil marriage. These differences are crucial in this referendum. For instance if there is a lesbian couple with children and one of their parents is their biological mother and the other one dies, that child has no connection to that woman in the eyes of the state. There are also issues surrounding the death of a person in a civil partnership. In marriage there is nothing preventing couples being buried beside each other. In civil partnership however, there are problems surrounding whether or not that person can share a grave with their partner, which in my opinion is disgraceful.
I know of some people who are all for the legalisation of gay marriage who think that there shouldn't have to be a vote at all, that the government should make it legal without asking the public's opinion. I do not agree with this. I think it is great that the people of Ireland are being given the chance to decide on a serious issue such as this. We are the people whom it will effect, so why not give us the choice to decide rather than a government with mostly the same opinion on the matter making the decision.
One of the main points that the no side are bringing up a lot is the issue of children that could be raised with a married gay couple. They are saying that 'every child deserves a mother and father'. There are so many things wrong with this point. First off, have they even considered the families in Ireland who do not have a mother or father due to death and other such circumstances? Does this mean that these families are in some way lesser than families with both parents? Then to come on to children raised with gay parents, even the referendum commission, the people who organise the referendum and are unbiased, have said that children are a totally different issue and the referendum has no effect on them under Irish law. To put the icing on the cake, gay couples are already allowed to adopt in this country so even if the referendum is not passed, gay couples will still be raising families!
Finally, I would like to encourage all Irish citizens over 18 to vote in the referendum on Friday, no matter what way they're voting. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to make a difference to our country for the better. Sadly I'm missing out on the voting age by 13 months so I won't be able to have my say, but that's the law for ya!
Hope you enjoyed this post. It felt good to get all my feelings on the matter out into the world so at least I can make my contribution in some small way. Here's to a yes vote!
Adios amigos,
Inkspots
Tuesday, 14 April 2015
Words to Live By
Hello there!
Today I'm going to talk to you about quotes and phrases that I love, five to be precise.
Now I am no interior decorator but I really enjoy putting things in my room that represent me and what I love. If someone saw the walls in my room, they may think that a five year old decorated it, but I really love the way I've placed things and I'm always switching and changing things.
Above my dressing table, I have put a line of quotes, each with a different message to inspire me and motivate me everyday. I find it's really helpful, especially on days when I'm not feeling great, so here are the five quotes and phrases I live by:
I first came across these words by René Magritte in the book 'The Fault in Our Stars'. The message of it really intrigued me. The picture is of a pipe and under Magritte has written 'Ceci n'est pas une pipe' which translates from French as 'This is not a pipe'. The picture is of a pipe, but the thing itself is not a pipe, you can't hold it or smoke from it. It is just an image. I find this quote helps me in the real world where not everyone can be trusted and not everything is as it seems. A person may be pretending to be a friend but are they really? Sometimes it's all just smoke and mirrors.
This quote I like to think of as my 'chin up' quote. Forget the past, look forward to the future, live in the present. There are days when I feel like absolute crap where I just have to remind myself to get up and move on. If we dwell on the past, how are we going to live today? And who knows how long our futures will be, so we must live our lives now, not in the past, not in the future but now.
I came across this quote on We Heart It and the words just seemed so pretty like jewels. The message also means a lot to me. I love to read and further my knowledge on things I'm interested and passionate about. I fear the thought of a day where I'm not broadening my mind on new things, not just in textbooks but in the world around me. This quote reminds me to open my mind to new ideas and to discover new things in my life.
These words by Abraham Lincoln remind me to look on the bright side of things. It is very easy to complain about things and wallow in our own sorrow. In some situations, all you can do is look for the positives (i.e the roses) where as some people would focus on the negatives (i.e the thorns).
There's something about the French language which really entices me. Everything sounds more romantic and beautiful in French. Not only do I love the song C'est La Vie by Bewitched, I also love the saying. Sometimes there are people you can't change or situations you can do nothing about and that's life! We've just got to let things happen and keep on pushing through.
Hope this post gave you some motivation or inspiration to think about your favourite quotes. Let me know which of the above is your favourite, I'd love to know.
Adios amigos,
Inkspots
Sunday, 5 April 2015
Falling Back in Love with Disney
Hello there!
First of all, sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks. I've been quite busy and also I didn't have much inspiration to write a post, so I didn't! But today I do, so I'm going to talk to you about my new found love of Disney movies.
As many of my friends know, I have a terrible memory so I don't remember watching many Disney films when I was younger, but I do remember one, 'The Aristocats'. I watched that one so much that the reel inside the video tape unwinded itself! (I think that's where I got my love of cats from.) I was talking to my mam about this a few days ago and she said that I used to love 'Lady and The Tramp' and 'Pinochio' aswell. So I have decided that as I am a nostalgic person, why not collect Disney DVDs and relive my childhood.
I'm at the very start of my collection but so far I have 'Frozen' (obviously), 'The Little Mermaid', 'Peter Pan' and 'The Aristocats'. There are also some on Netflix that I'm going to watch in the near future like 'Aladin' and 'Pochahontis'. I think mam thinks I'm going mad watching all these kids movies but I just love the innocence of them. For instance in Peter Pan, he never wants to grow up and most kids wouldn't understand that but I definitely do. Who wants to have to deal with boys, responsibilites and just society in general. I'd much rather live in a world where everyone has a happy ending.
Hope you enjoyed my Disney themed post. Feel free to leave any post suggestions below as I'd be happy to read your comments.
Adios amigos,
Inkspots.
First of all, sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks. I've been quite busy and also I didn't have much inspiration to write a post, so I didn't! But today I do, so I'm going to talk to you about my new found love of Disney movies.
As many of my friends know, I have a terrible memory so I don't remember watching many Disney films when I was younger, but I do remember one, 'The Aristocats'. I watched that one so much that the reel inside the video tape unwinded itself! (I think that's where I got my love of cats from.) I was talking to my mam about this a few days ago and she said that I used to love 'Lady and The Tramp' and 'Pinochio' aswell. So I have decided that as I am a nostalgic person, why not collect Disney DVDs and relive my childhood.
I'm at the very start of my collection but so far I have 'Frozen' (obviously), 'The Little Mermaid', 'Peter Pan' and 'The Aristocats'. There are also some on Netflix that I'm going to watch in the near future like 'Aladin' and 'Pochahontis'. I think mam thinks I'm going mad watching all these kids movies but I just love the innocence of them. For instance in Peter Pan, he never wants to grow up and most kids wouldn't understand that but I definitely do. Who wants to have to deal with boys, responsibilites and just society in general. I'd much rather live in a world where everyone has a happy ending.
My Disney DVD Collection (so far)
Hope you enjoyed my Disney themed post. Feel free to leave any post suggestions below as I'd be happy to read your comments.
Adios amigos,
Inkspots.
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